Q. I will be having a baby in august. My boyfriend and I are both very excited. Which also means there are excited grandparents in the picture as well. I really love and respect my boyfriends parents. My boyfriends mother has offered to babysit as well but there is one problem, both of my boyfriends parents are smokers. I really appreciate her offering to babysit but i feel like i should just find another daycare provider. I don't really like the idea of all of my sons things smelling like an ashtray at the end of the day. Or should i just try to talk to my boyfriend about it? I don't know what to do...I don't want to send the wrong message and have my boyfriends mother think im stuck up and unappreciative. help!
Answer
It seems as if you have a good relationship with the boyfriend's parents, any way of just talking to them about it, before the baby comes and babysitting is an issue? Some day during a visit there, ask them point blank, "Hey we were talking about it and I know its your house and you both smoke and smoking is your decision, I am just interested in whats going to happen when the baby comes? I obviously am concerned about my babies health and I know you two are as well, so I was just wanting to put aside my worries and ask you about your smoking with the baby being at your house?" Letting them know that this is a concern of yours without telling them "Hey I don't want you smoking around my kid!" It puts the ball in their court about it and makes them aware that yea we shouldn't be smoking with a baby in the house, maybe they will start smoking outside or going into the bedroom. I don't think asking someone to change their clothes is a reasonable request, it won't harm your baby, they won't smell wonderful but it is a free sitter. Expecting that they will not smoke in the house and that hands will be washed is not unreasonable, but changing clothes might be a little over the top.
My mom smokes and my fiance smokes, I would tell my mom point blank go wash your hands when I went to give the baby to her, I know she doesn't wash her hands after smoking if the baby wasn't there, so I wanted to let her know how we felt about that. My fiance goes outside, we live on the 3rd floor, he goes all the way outside, not on the porch (the smell comes in the door with him when he does this) so he can air out on his walk back up, I can't usually smell smoke on his clothes, I can smell it if he hasn't washed his hands.
It seems as if you have a good relationship with the boyfriend's parents, any way of just talking to them about it, before the baby comes and babysitting is an issue? Some day during a visit there, ask them point blank, "Hey we were talking about it and I know its your house and you both smoke and smoking is your decision, I am just interested in whats going to happen when the baby comes? I obviously am concerned about my babies health and I know you two are as well, so I was just wanting to put aside my worries and ask you about your smoking with the baby being at your house?" Letting them know that this is a concern of yours without telling them "Hey I don't want you smoking around my kid!" It puts the ball in their court about it and makes them aware that yea we shouldn't be smoking with a baby in the house, maybe they will start smoking outside or going into the bedroom. I don't think asking someone to change their clothes is a reasonable request, it won't harm your baby, they won't smell wonderful but it is a free sitter. Expecting that they will not smoke in the house and that hands will be washed is not unreasonable, but changing clothes might be a little over the top.
My mom smokes and my fiance smokes, I would tell my mom point blank go wash your hands when I went to give the baby to her, I know she doesn't wash her hands after smoking if the baby wasn't there, so I wanted to let her know how we felt about that. My fiance goes outside, we live on the 3rd floor, he goes all the way outside, not on the porch (the smell comes in the door with him when he does this) so he can air out on his walk back up, I can't usually smell smoke on his clothes, I can smell it if he hasn't washed his hands.
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